Lana Del Rey is an actual goddess

LDR's 2012 performance on "SNL."

I will be truthful; the first time I ever heard Lana Del Rey I thought she was terrible and could not wait for the performance to end. This was on "Saturday Night Live" in January 2012 and the only reason I was even watching was because Daniel Radcliffe was hosting. Now I love Lana Del Rey more than I could ever love Daniel Radcliffe and was hooked on her music by late summer of the same year.

It was the lyrics to “Carmen” that caught my eye online and I immediately copied and pasted the lyrics into Google to find out what this mysterious quote was.

And it is all went downhill from there.

My obsession grew surprisingly (then again, not so surprisingly) fast. I was soon listening to Lana’s debut album “Born to Die” on repeat on Spotify and wondering how I could have ever hated such a hypnotic voice. I borrowed the CD from the library to put on my iPod because I needed the album at my access always. 

I eventually bought my own physical copy of “Born to Die” because why the hell not? I am a superfan, obviously. I was browsing my favorite local music store one day with my dad in November 2012 (it just happened to be the day “Paradise” came out. Coincidence? I think not) and begged him to buy it for me there because it came with a free 45" record of “Ride” and on the other side was the remix. I collected records at the time so he eventually gave in knowing that I needed both the CD and the 45" right away.

I can easily say Lana became my favorite singer within six months. Senior year of high school would just have not been the same without her. I probably listened to her everyday and can recite the track listing to “Born to Die.” I had jam sessions in my car with everyone and anyone - my sister, my best friends, myself (that counts, right?). I forced people to listen to Lana and borrow my CDs and I have no regrets forcing my Lana on them. 

I finally saw Lana in concert in May 2014 after almost two years of loving her. I saw her at House of Blues Boston and it was amazing. It was almost impossible to get tickets and I went through a lot of screaming on the phone and nervousness to get just a single ticket. It was exciting to even see Lana was going on tour, as she rarely does in North America, or only performs at festivals (those lucky Europeans and festival-goers), and when I saw the Boston date I think I cried and had heart palpilations. I was in the front row and it was totally worth standing for seven-ish hours to see her. I went with my friend Grace and although we do not share as many Lana-related memories together it was still great to go with someone who shares my love. It was actually the common love of Lana that brought Grace and I together to form a friendship. 

Lana came out into the crowd DURING the show to sign records and posters and that is when I realized she is an actual queen-goddess-angel on Earth. I genuinely believe she is a queen-goddess-angel on Earth. From her laugh to her sly smile and simply being great to fans, how could one not think that? 

I screamed and sang my butt off at that show during every song. Hearing “Carmen” live - my first Lana song - was something and a half. It was everything and more. And it was everything I dreamed it would be. Lana being cute on stage, talking with her dreamy voice and seducing the audience with just a look. Just perfect. She talked about “Ultraviolence,” her album that came out a few weeks after and sang her new sultry single, “West Coast.” Lana told us she was emotional to be back home on the East Coast, her home, and, yeah, I cried.

I honestly cannot stress how much I love Lana Del Rey. From her ever changing look and outfits, to her oozing American pride, her personas (and how Lana Del Rey is a made up name) to her beauty. I have a giant Lana poster in my room along with small pictures from "Rolling Stone" and other magazines that line my walls. I have had multiple Lana Del Rey-inspried photoshoots that have involved everything from an American flag to a can of Budweiser. I was Lana for Halloween, specifically making a flower crown for the costume for authenticity. I know that Lana’s hometown is three hours from my hometown (and I have been there!) and I love that.

Today I was supposed to see Lana in Mansfield, MA but I had trouble getting tickets again. I didn't try as hard to get tickets this time but thinking about it, I wish I had. It would have been a different show. There would have been new songs for the queen to sing that I haven't heard live. She would have a new outfit and a new persona. Probably even a new hair color. I wish I could be at that show to sway and scream my lungs out. I should be at that show swaying and screaming my lungs out. It's a "cruel world" when you can't see the queen in concert.
             
With a new album on the way in September, I can only hope that Lana will continue to tour to promote the album. Not that she probably needs to. I can only hope that this album will be able to bring me to something that I can't understand. That's what I like about Lana's music; she is able to make you feel nostalgic about something you don't understand but you feel it. 

Lana’s songs give truth about love, sobriety, abuse, obsession and depression. Her experiences and her songs are real and raw. Lana's music is her life story that she is telling you. And it all weirdly makes sense to you. She makes you feel something with her music, words and rhymes even though you have not experienced what she has been through. Lana makes you feel connected through something that is bigger and more important than the music. It's life.