I forgave myself for not being the best, not being experienced enough, not being a good friend. I forgave myself for not forgiving others. I'm learning to loosen my grip, unclench my jaw and let people see the vulnerable side of me. I wish I could have predicted the future or done something differently, but I'm glad for the way everything has turned out. One of my frequent catchphrases when life tests me is: "it builds character" and, let me tell you, a lot of character was build this year.
While out to lunch with my college best friends I took a line from my favorite show "Broad City." On Illana's 23rd birthday Abbi asks her: "What have you done this past year that you're proud of and what are you gonna do this upcoming year?" We all agreed we are proud of the different accomplishments and life-changing opportunities we had over the course of the entire year that were different than any other year. Thank you 2016 for the opportunities, life lessons and experiences I will carry with me forever.
I'm forgiving myself for what I didn't live up to. I'm forgiving myself for the things that didn't go right. I'm here anyway and I'm happy about it. I'll live in 2017. I'll graduate in 2017. I'll make more mistakes in 2017. I'll learn in 2017. I'll gain a new perspective in 2017. I'll do more in 2017. I'm glad I took a lot of risks this year. I traveled more than ever (opportunity just happened to strike), expanded my social circle and my professional circle, explored different things in general and overall it made me a happier and different person. Life is changing and I'm glad I can too.
Each year in our lives is significant even if you don't see it at first. You really have to think about it. I have such a heavy heart thinking about all the amazing experiences I've had this year and how much every one of those experiences means to me. I might not see the significance at first and I might not see the significance for a while, but I know I have it. While this year has been all about memes and fakes news, this year for me was about putting one foot in front of the other and making each day the best it could possibly be. My hustle was too real this year and it will only continue.
Last year at this time I wrote, "December always gives me thoughts of 'I should have done this, I should have done that' and 'what did I even accomplish this year?' A year. 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months. What have I done? It's that Sunday night feeling you get when you remember you forgot to do your assignments and readings and maybe you shouldn't have watched season 5 of 'Portlandia' all day." But I don't have that Sunday night feeling this December. I'm ready to move on from this hellish year and ready to take on the new year.
Every year I make a bucket list for the upcoming year and this year I checked off more than half of the list (I wanted to go to 12 concerts and only made it to 10. I really regret not shelling out money for Rihanna and Chance the Rapper when I had the opportunity). My bucket list featured the most mundane things like visit Cape Cod, go to a Celtics game and travel to a new state. This year I want to graduate college (this will definitely happen) and run a 5k (skeptical). It's not about giving yourself a task to cross off your list, but about living each year differently and better.
So I'm moving on from 2016. It's been terrible, great and terribly great all in one. I'm not sure how I survived, but at the same time I would do it all over again. This year can be summed up by listening to a lot of sad Drake and Amy Winehouse, but I wouldn't trade any of it (and will continue to listen to a lot of sad Drake and Amy Winehouse). I survived a fulfilling internship, a different not-so-fulfilling internship, a two-day car ride to and from Atlanta, the west coast, my 21st birthday, a portion of the summer living on my own, being on an island, tailgating at a Patriots game, buying a car, my dad closing his business down and so much more. I don't usually have this feeling. This feeling of anticipation for a new year. I'm anticipating the best for 2017. I already know I'm going to Vietnam in January and graduating in May so I know why I'm so excited to start something new but I can't help but think I'm leaving a lot in 2016. I am leaving a lot in 2016 and hopefully it will stay there. I will continue to make the most of every day, minute, second, every opportunity and moment. I'm moving on.