At almost 25 years of age, I can’t even begin to count (or remember) the number of terrorist attacks, natural disasters and scandals (or even celebrations, let’s stay positive!!!) I’ve seen throughout my quarter of a century. It’s statistically impossible for anyone alive to not have experienced a life-changing event. With Coronavirus taking over the country and this world, I can’t help but reflect on the past tragedies I’ve lived through and how it affected me.
In September 2001, one of my very first memories was my mom putting a cutout from the newspaper of the American flag in the window to honor lives lost during 9/11. I was six and a half.
In December 2004, I’m home from school for Christmas break and I witness what I now know to be my first natural disaster. A tsunami in Indonesia - not knowing what a tsunami is or where Indonesia is, I obsessively watch the news with my parents. Hurricane Katrina happens 8 months later in New Orleans, LA. Natural disasters are sad to witness and I vow to take care of this planet.
In January 2009, in eighth grade English we watched the inauguration of Barack Obama and it's something I'll never forget. Our teacher wheeled in a TV strapped on a cart for the occasion and we watched history happen before our eyes.
In February 2012, Trayvon Martin is shot and killed for wearing a hooded sweatshirt. His killer wasn’t charged at the time. We are the same age. He should have graduated high school the following year with me. The next summer, I’m 18 and just graduated high school and I work at the doctor’s office where my mom works. A patient makes an ill-informed joke about having his hood up. My mom has to calm me down and tells me not to yell at this ignorant man.
In April 2013, I almost could not commit to my college in Boston because of the Boston bombing aftermath. They were able to find those responsible and I was able to visit the city literally 11 days after the attack. I can’t imagine not having those five years in Boston, a city I can credit to some of my best memories and experiences. Those experiences and friendships still have an impact on me today.
In March 2014, I’m at my aunt’s house for my first spring break in college and we’re watching the news on the missing Malyasian Airlines Flight. There’s no immediate information for days.
In June 2016, I woke up to countless notifications on my phone about a mass shooting in Orlando, FL., that killed 49 people and injured another 53 inside of a gay nightclub, Pulse. I’m living with my gay friend who I’ve known since sixth grade.
In November 2016, I stayed up (for part of the night) to watch the results of the presidential election. My friend who I lived with knocked on my door at 2:45 a.m., told me the results and I slammed the door in his face. I cried myself to sleep.
In March 2020, I live in Queens, New York. I’ve had a great two years in the greatest city in the world but then I’m told to stay home if I can. Thankfully I am capable. It all happens so fast. I can do some work from home but normally I would hate working from home and spending so much time stationary. I haven’t cried this much since that presidential election. I haven’t been this scared since. What will I do? I’m genuinely sad and hopeless. I have two jobs. One is working in the office of a restaurant management group and one is a retail job. Both could easily let me go and put my income on pause.
We have one last hurrah on Friday night at one of my favorite cocktail bars. I love this bar because it reminds me of New Orleans, I tell everyone. If this world ends, I am so happy I got to see New Orleans, one of my favorite cities in this dysfunctional country. I tell my friends about how my grandma snuck out of the house to buy wine. They applaud their hero (my grandma) and I laugh telling them how I had to tell The Boss (my aunt).
The problem with being upset over these horrific events is that they tend to blur together. I had to Google Alton Sterling because I couldn't remember if he was from Baton Rouge or if that was Philando Castile. When did the Ferguson rallies happen? When were the tragic storms in Texas? It’s easy to work myself up over these natural disasters, tragedies when there’s so little I can do. What can I do now with COVID-19 going around? The least I can do is stay home (most of the time) and keep myself busy and occupied and healthy. I’m sad though, I’m not a ~stay at home and do nothing~ type person. I am active and social and thrive off being with friends (most of the time). I am scared to see what this “quarantine” will do for my mental health, my finances and my relationships. To be alone all day...with my thoughts. The virus is affecting me without entering my immune system. It’s hard for me to stay home this long, to not talk to people and it all makes me sad. How can I survive this? I asked my friends for their self-care tips but that only lasts for a day. I’m not used to having this much time off, there’s only so much “self-care” I can stretch over a month.
I’ve survived everything above...and so much more. Much worse, much better things I have survived and more to come. I am anxious to see how we’ll (and me personally) will get through this. What will we lose in the meantime?
I wanted to go to Italy and France this year...two of the worst infected places. My 25th birthday is in one month and I wanted to have a 90s-themed party (I was debating either dressing up as Eddie Vedder or Tupac). Will that happen? How will I celebrate my milestone? With the weather getting nicer and warmer, how will I be able to stand being inside? How will I see my little sister graduate college?
It's normal for happiness to fluctuate. Throughout the month. Throughout the week, even the day. It's better to feel a range of emotions than nothing at all. I've allowed stress and anxiety to eat me alive and I'm trying to avoid that now. I'm learning that the amount of things that make me happy will always outweigh the amount of things that make me unhappy. Vinyl records, the Instagram discover page, writing, learning, singing in the car, leather mini skirts will always outweigh the negatives of life.