I have just completed my first editorial internship at a local magazine and now I'm scared for the rest of my life. I'm scared I will never find a job or internship that will give me as much as the magazine I just spent three months at. Friends say that's a good thing. I have high expectations and standards and I know how I deserve to be treated. Within my first month, I wrote five articles, attended two photoshoots, was invited to events, and never went out on a single coffee run (except for myself).
From the end of January to the beginning of May, I pretended to be a big girl. I wanted to be a big girl. I wanted to experience "office life," and now I'm not so sure why. Yes, I loved my internship and I'm grateful for everything that was given to me, but office life isn't for me and I'm glad I've learned that. I wanted everything working at the local newspaper wasn't giving me. I worked at the newspaper on Friday nights when most of the building was deserted and quiet (sports was literally the only section working since sporting events happen at night). I didn't dress up to go there (usually going to the office in leggings, t-shirts, and no makeup) and when I got there I wasn't under the direction of anyone. I wanted to experience the opposite of what I had.
Having an office job scares me now. Having a job and working doesn't scare me. I miss the outdoors. I want to go to museums during the day. And read. I want spend time with friends. Almost three months later and I'm just getting used to the office life. I think I'll miss it even thought it took a long time for me to adjust to showing up to work on time, dressing up nice and adhering to an editor.
Every Monday and Wednesday morning I would get coffee, then say hi to whoever was sitting at the front desk of the office's lobby, and work my way up to the fourth floor for a day of hard office work. I was surrounded by creative types and the type of high-powered women I've always wanted to be around. This was the experience I wanted and I got it. That is what I'll miss.
My first day working there, I was... myself. I had to be there by 9 a.m., so naturally I was in the area by 8 a.m. to stand around and wander the streets. So I made a pit stop at Starbucks. But then I had coffee breath. But I didn't have gum. But by this time I didn't have time to go buy gum, so I had to chomp down on four mints at once to get rid of my caramel macchiato breath. When I got there I was given a computer (which didn't work), a Post It note with a brand new email (oh good, another email to keep up on), and then had to wait another hour before my editor came in (I could have gotten gum!).
Growing up I never had a "dream job." I'm not sure I even have a dream job now. I just want a job. Or to be paid for blogging and going to concerts. I never had my heart set on New York or fantasized about life in a big city. I've created some amazing contacts in Boston and I'm sure someone's friend's boyfriend's cousin could get me a job somewhere. I have a work ethic that will end up following me to the grave and eventually drive me to the grave.
Dream job. Dream house. Dream vacation. Dream dog. We all have dreams. I'm just not sure I have a dream job. I always joke and say I'm living the dream. Is what I have now my dream and I never realized it? A dream job should be one that supports you financially and fulfills you emotionally. I've had personal growth this school year between working in the high school sports section and at a luxury magazine. Two things I never saw myself doing and two markets that are complete opposites. But what else do I see myself doing?
My first internship ended up going smoothly. I was even surprised I didn't manage to fuck something up. My first day there I wrote an article on Carrie Underwood and got to know my fellow intern fairly well. I don't like office life but I'm glad I got to experience it firsthand. I wanted to dress up and work in an office and I learned I didn't like it. One day I'll frame my article on Carrie Underwood to remember my humble and unpaid beginnings and we'll all laugh at the fact I wrote an article on Carrie Underwood.
Life is about doing what you want. Life is too short to be writing about high school boy's lacrosse or high-powered telescopes, yet I've done both. Own your own business. Run a 5K. Play board games. Collect coins and cameras. Road trip it everywhere. Do whatever you want. My contacts aren't going to help me do any of this though. I am so driven by my career goals, I forget to have other dreams sometimes. What do I want to do? I already do what I want to do so what else is there to do? Own my own business. Run a 5K. Play board games. Collect coins and cameras. Road trip it everywhere. Figure out what my dream house looks like, where my dream vacation takes place, what breed my dream dog is. I should have dreams and goals outside of the office and I've learned that.