The "shoulds" we have are invisible burdens in our lives. They linger in the back our of minds, whether they matter or not. I think about how I didn't study abroad often. It's a life experience I missed out because I wasn't motivated at the time I should have been. There it is again: should. I should have been motivated. I should have cared more about traveling. I should not say should. I am honestly impressed with myself by how far and how much I have gotten out of life so far. I want more though. I like the way my life is coming together so I'm learning to let go of the "shoulds" and learning a new word.
Say yes. To the dress. To more coffee. And expensive tea. And going out for ice cream. To the date. To going out with your girlfriends. It might mean nothing at the time, but in the long run it means everything. It’s the beginning of something. Of saying yes. Say yes to sharing. Say yes to your femininity and sexuality. Yes to concerts across state and stopping in antique shops even though you know you won't buy anything. Say yes to more conversation and not caring if you end up late somewhere. Say yes to long road trips, walks in the cold, and staying up to watch the sunrise. Say yes to every damn thing you can think of. It's the small things.
There are some things I assume I'll never do. Take time off, marry rich, master the Italian language. But that doesn't mean I won't do any of it because I don't want that dismal "should" hanging over me. So say yes to experiences, no matter how big or small. I once woke up at 8 a.m. on a Sunday after a night of binge drinking and three hours of sleep so I could go get doughnuts. I said yes because I had never been to this certain doughnut shop before and wanted to do something new. I love saying yes. I soak up experiences like a sponge and I want 2016 to be the year of new experiences (even if that just means something as mundane as getting doughnuts).
When I find myself in times of trouble I just picture Shia LaBeouf screaming JUST DO IT in my ear. I have to remind myself things are going to work out. I’ve had to tell myself this a lot lately and there’s nothing wrong with that. Like any normal person, I have had self-doubt and crippling fear. I have blamed myself for missed opportunities and sometimes feel defeated by simple things. Not everything is failure. There will always be the fantasies playing in the back of my mind on how things could have gone, but I'm not going to beat myself up for the way things "could have" been. I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m navigating my life like anyone else my age. I'll start by saying yes more.