On not wanting to come home from college

Homework. Stress. Group projects. Internships. Sleepless nights. Dining hall food. You'd think by the end of the second semester I'd be done with college, but I never am. I never want to leave college. I never want to pack up my belongings, my life and move back home for three and a half months to feel like I'm doing nothing. Once finals week is over we want to go out and have our fun, one last hurrah, but we are forced to pack up and leave.

Home feels empty and cluttered at the same time. Empty because it's not where I want to be and cluttered with old memories. I packed up one life to go to another life. One life will never be the same as it was before. I've shared so many moments and secrets in my hometown but I'm moving on from that. Transitioning home each time is hard, another summer to be spent with minimum wage paying jobs. Coming home is hard because of the expectations.

I have made my life in Boston at this point. I call the city mine, know the back alley routes and want to be immersed in its culture 24/7. I have spent the majority of the last three years in this weird city and for reason it has stuck with me. Coming home is sad and more stressful. I have to pack everything from my dorm room up, then force myself to unpack everything no less than 8 hours after I packed it originally. Home is not where the heart is. I've come back to both my dorm and home at 8 a.m. but at my dorm I don't have to explain myself to anyone whereas at home I need to write a five-paragraph essay with a works cited on my whereabouts.

It's bittersweet coming home. Yes I want to see my high school buds and hang out with my sister, but my life is unfortunately somewhere else now. I would have loved to have stayed at my internship all summer and spent my time in Boston. I lead two lives and it's tough when they intertwine and get mixed in with each other. My life and lifestyles have changed and I feel like I owe everyone an explanation. Everything at home is right where it should be except for me. I can go to these places, these streets whenever I want, but I don't want to.

I'm choosing to spend the summer in Rochester this summer, about an hour and a half from where I'm from. It seemed easier than trying to make ends meet in Boston and it will be something different than what I'm used to. Last summer I was miserable working my two jobs, often going from one job to the next. This summer I'll do the same, but with the addition of an internship (what I was lacking last summer!) and living in a new place. A new place will be good for me and can't wait to see where Rochester takes me this summer.