In September it would have been common to hear me say, "You'll never see me past May. I'm never coming back after I graduate." Close to graduation it would have been common to see me crying at Fenway, thinking about how it is probably my last Red Sox game or common of me to take pictures every time my friends and I went out, thinking I'll never see them again.
The entire
summer leading up to my first year of college I was told that I was in line for
the most transformative time of my life. I'm a realistic and logical person and
never thought I would or could change that much. But how could I not change? It
was stupid of me to think I wouldn't change. I spent the greater part of four
years in a new place. How could this not be the most transformative time of my
life?
Both my best
and worst years have been in college. I am grateful for every person I have
encountered and befriended within my four years. Whether I knew you for my last
four months or my entire four years, you mean a lot to me. I created memories
or learned something new from you. I appreciate every moment of my life.
I didn't know
I wouldn't be the same once I finished college. But I became a better version
of myself. I'm a more extraordinary, exaggerated and expressive version of
myself. I know what I want and what I don't want. I make my stupid decisions
and learn from it. I never knew there would be times I would stay up all night
drunk (I mean, uh, studying), I would make some of the greatest friends ever
and I would fall in love with life.
There have
been the times where I took six classes and worked three jobs. But it's all
been worth it. Some of my favorite memories are based around two of my best
friends and I all working in the same area of Boston my sophomore year. It's
the simple things and I have earned some of the best friends I'll ever
have. I hope I've changed. But I'm still the same in so many ways.
Take your time
when you’re out there experiencing life and college. You’ll never get another
opportunity like this again so make sure you do it right. Make sure you do
everything that you want to do and don’t let anyone hold you back. Don’t let
your parents or your location or your past let you hold back on anything. Experience
everything and anything.
Go to that
party. Talk to that boy wearing your favorite band’s logo on his tshirt. Speak
up in class and voice your opinion. Talk to strangers about politics. Stick it
to the man. Let people tell you about themselves. And tell them about you. You
are more interesting than you think and lead on. We are all here
experiencing something different here. It’s called life. It’s going to be
different for all of us. Share your experiences with other people and try
something new. This is life.
There is no
way I can ever give enough thanks to my friends, my family, my college for
making me who I am today. A thank you to the friends who make me
think it's perfectly normal to swing from trees and jump and dance in the
middle of the street. You make me feel safe for doing the crazy things I do. I
will never live this close to my friends again. I will never have all my
friends in one place again. Whether it's a 15-minute drive or a 15-second walk
across the quad, I would be there. I won't have this next year. I won't have
this next week. I won't live across the street from my best friend and we can't
get Dunkin Donuts whenever we want together. What will dominate our group
chats when we can't give constant updates on our crushes?
I'm leaving a
big part of my life behind. Through the good, the bad, the ugly. I feel like I
lost something. Like, I left something on the T and there's no way I'll ever
see it again. My heart and chest are heavy. My college days have seen the
tears, the tantrums, heartbreaks, love, laughter, friendship and freak
outs. My most unforgettable memories are the days that are unplanned. The
days filled with laughter, good company and just sitting on the couch for two
hours recounting what happened the night before. Those are the moments we
cherish.
Will I ever
walk a mile and a half to a bar ever again? Will I ever spend sleepless nights
on other people's couches? Will I ever use a Labbat Blue box as a recycling bin ever again? Will I ever feel comfortable in front of a group of
friends again? The answers are yes. The last four years seem like the best
years to me, but the best is yet to come and it includes the same nonsense I've
gotten myself into.
It broke my heart to leave my house and the amazing, unfiltered fun I've had with my housemates all year for the last time. I wish I could relive my spring break trip to Atlanta a thousand more times. I wish I could spend one more night in the newspaper office editing articles and redoing the layout.
By my last semester, I thought I knew exactly who I was. Mostly, I did. Mostly, I was clueless about what I was going to do with myself. At times, I've felt so in control of my life. Other times not so much. I thought my senior year was ruined because I had to look for jobs while also being miserable at an internship. But it was never ruined. Just different. Endings are never easy but I'm making it through.
It broke my heart to leave my house and the amazing, unfiltered fun I've had with my housemates all year for the last time. I wish I could relive my spring break trip to Atlanta a thousand more times. I wish I could spend one more night in the newspaper office editing articles and redoing the layout.
By my last semester, I thought I knew exactly who I was. Mostly, I did. Mostly, I was clueless about what I was going to do with myself. At times, I've felt so in control of my life. Other times not so much. I thought my senior year was ruined because I had to look for jobs while also being miserable at an internship. But it was never ruined. Just different. Endings are never easy but I'm making it through.